Ever got tired of reading “he said”, “she said”, “they all said”? One of the main reasons some stories – despite the captivating plot – are lost to the whispers of the wind is because they get boring fast.
The superb writing advice of “show don’t tell” works, but oftentimes your characters need to actually talk. Take the advice below with a grain of salt and tailor it to your unique style of writing. I’ve done lots of research in the making of Foreshadow, and let me tell you, there were words I didn’t even know existed, and their addition was exactly what I needed for the cherry on top
Before we begin, here are a few synonyms I found that will most likely interest you; (note that they are all in the past tense)
insisted . stated . asked . chatted . voiced . declared . commented . noted . expressed . professed . claimed . exclaimed . uttered . pronounced . remarked . announced . mentioned . responded . suggested . murmured . muttered . mumbled . breathed . sighed . hissed . whispered . mouthed . intoned . purred . gasped . hinted .
Of course, it all depends on the sentence structure and viewpoint of the story, not to mention the particular situation the characters are in.
Now, for writing dialogue, it gets pretty blunt if the entire conversation is just;
“Of course not,” she said.
“Why is that so?” he said.
“Because I am pretty sure we’ll get expelled,” she said.
“I find that highly unlikely,” he said.
“Said he/she” or “he/she said”, same thing. There’s no progress. No storytelling. It’s a boring conversation nobody wants to read. Imagine reading an entire book like that with occasional descriptive paragraph breaks. Not so interesting, is it? For starters, there’s no action. The conversation itself looks … boring, even for the characters. Take a look at this version instead:
“Of course not,” she said.
“Why is that so?” he asked.
“Because I am pretty sure we’ll get expelled,” she replied.
“I find that highly unlikely,” he responded.
There’s progress, in changing the wording, but it’s still not really there yet. Here are a few things you could add (and bear in mind) when writing a dialogue.
Try using synonyms.
Sure, “replied”, “stated” and “asked” are not the word “said”, but it’s still basic. Incorporating new words can add your own touch to your work. Let’s take the text we used above:
“Of course not,” she insisted.
“Why is that so?” he asked.
“Because I am pretty sure we’ll get expelled,” she retorted.
“I find that highly unlikely,” he remarked.
It sounds a bit off, but if applied over a whole page of dialogue it makes a great difference. There are so many synonyms to any given word; try exploring them just a bit more. Try and find the word that not only shows that the character spoke, but also how they said it (said angrily = barked.) A small change can make a difference. You can try downloading an offline dictionary with a built-in thesaurus if (like me) you like to write on the go.
Add a little action.
It’s pretty self-explanatory; have the characters show what they’re talking about and how they feel towards the subject. Have them get up, sit down, throw a fit; it all influences the dialogue. Body language says a lot about how a person in real life and including that within writing really transforms it. Take a look at this:
“Of course not,” she insisted, stubbornly shaking her head.
“Why is that so?” he asked, leaning on the wall. “Are you just afraid?”
“Because I am pretty sure we’ll get expelled!” she retorted irritably. Her face was turning red as her fists clenched involuntarily. “I don’t want to risk that!”
“I find that highly unlikely,” he remarked, a sly smirk playing on his lips, meaning to annoy her.
See? An entire paragraph written just by a simple conversation. Each character gets his/her own paragraph when they talk. In that paragraph, add something relevant to the character’s speech; thoughts, actions, etc. which in turn delivers the general air of the conversation. We can see that “she” is steadfastly insistent they not do the thing, while “he” is enjoying her annoyance.
Simple yet effective.
No need to add too much.
Are two characters conversing? Then you don’t have to write their names or pronouns every line, unless you want to add action in between.
“Of course not,” she insisted, stubbornly shaking her head.
“Why is that so?” he asked, leaning on the wall. “Are you just afraid?”
“Because I am pretty sure we’ll get expelled! I don’t want to risk that!”
“I find that highly unlikely.”
“Oh, Sir Afraid-Of-Nobody, I happen to care about my grades!”
“I do too.”
“Yeah, that’s obvious.”
You can tell how the dialogue is moving; her, him, her, and so on. This is especially useful if they’re debating or having a long talk. It can be tiring for you and the reader to keep rereading “said, said, said”.
Sometimes, “said” is okay.
Sometimes, you can be a little too eager to avoid using “said” (or a basic synonym) and you end up in a blocked road; you used all the “big word” synonyms you can think of once or twice, and you end up with something that makes absolutely no sense or something that sounds like it was spewed forth from between the lips of a gentry of the olden days.
Sometimes, a little “said” is okay. Don’t rely on it on every single dialogue, but don’t go overboard with avoiding it either.
Now, after going through all that, take a look at what kind of paragraph we’ll end up with …
“Of course not,” she insisted, stubbornly shaking her head.
“Why is that so?” he asked, leaning on the wall. “Are you just afraid?”
“Because I am pretty sure we’ll get expelled! I don’t want to risk that!”
“I find that highly unlikely.”
She sighed heavily and sat down, massaging her head; it was getting too much for her. “Oh, Sir Afraid-Of-Nobody, I happen to care about my grades!”
“I do too.”
“Yeah, that’s obvious.”
“It’s true!”
She rolled her eyes as he stood, a mischievous grin on his face.
“I hate to have ended up with you,” she grumbled standing up.
“It isn’t my fault we’re twins.” He fell silent for a moment. “So you’re in?”
“Shut up,’ she hissed, before leaving the room and slamming the door behind her, leaving him with a slight feeling of achievement.
Ta-da! What could have been three or four paragraphs is now a full page, conveying emotion and imagery. Compare this one to the four lines I wrote in the beginning of this post. You can feel how annoyed she is. You can also see how laid back and semi-careless he is, just by how he talks.
This was a random paragraph I thought up, but it gave you the idea of the characters I had in mind. That’s what dialogue is all about; to progress the story and put the reader in the characters’ shoes.
Now go forth and write! And share with me your favorite dialogue tips too.
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